xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
