I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
