your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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