I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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