My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
