It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
