No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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