and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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