The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
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Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
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i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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