My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
