Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
