I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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