just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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