hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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