well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My dick has a subreddit
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
