well you can't waste a boner
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
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