is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
