Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
