I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
