My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
