cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
