We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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