Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
operation harelip BJ is a go
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
