I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
