I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I will be naked everywhere
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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