THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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