my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
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How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
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He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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