I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
