hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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