Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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