What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
