Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
