I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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