then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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