2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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