I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
