People in love make me want to vomit
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
