i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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