Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
