Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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