physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
