How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
