he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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