so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i was born a porn star she said
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
