What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
