Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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