Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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