You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
