I bet he comes in French.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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