im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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