Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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