1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
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