Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
