we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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