I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
