i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
