I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
