I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
