there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
