also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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