My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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